Setting the mood… to feel your boobies

Just relax…

Dim the lights down some… a little more, a little more… that’s it.

Need a glass of wine… Chardonnay? Merlot?

How about some Marvin Gaye?  “Let’s get it on, ah baby, let’s get it on…” 

Feel the coolness of the sheets as the goosebumps rise up along your arms, slowly making their way down to your navel, eventually reaching your thighs as the fresh-scented fabric softly hugs your skin…

Now take your right hand… c’mon, go ahead… and place it over your left breast because you’re about to give yourself a breast exam.

Welcome to Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Let’s be honest, giving yourself a breast exam is equivalent to getting to second base with, well, yourself. So maybe we need some motivation to get us in the mood. Lord knows, a little wine and a little Marvin has been helping folks get to second base for decades!

Done feeling up your boobs? Good. Now feel under your arms. When you’re done feeling up your arm pits (sexy, right!), stand in front of a mirror and stare at ’em. That’s right, take a good, hard look at the twins.

Do you see any changes in the size or shape of your breasts?

Is there any swelling, redness or darkening?

Do you see any dimpling or puckering of the skin?

NationalBreastCancer.org: How to do a breast self-exam >>

All of the above should be routine for us, ladies. But shit happens. LIFE happens. Before you know it, another month, another year, another decade has gone by without so much as a self exam let alone a mammogram.

Yet, every October our Facebook feeds are inundated with pink ribbons — aka: pink post-it notes reminding us to get checked. Yet, every October millions of women don’t.

There’s breast tissue where?

I know I’ve already mentioned the arm pits, but DO NOT overlook this area. I’m speaking from experience here. I recently had a mass removed from under my right arm (pit). (It was benign. Whew!)  

According to the doc, mangled among the mess of the mass was some breast tissue. I had questions, starting with, “How the hell did breast tissue get way over there?” But, hey, it happens.

My husband had a different reaction… and a request:

“Hey doc, can you take that breast tissue and move it over to the right boob? You see the left one is just a little bigger than the right one. So just move it over and even them out.”

My doctor just stood there speechless, shoulders slumped, shaking his head as his palm eventually met his face.

His request was denied.

But I digress…

The moral of the story is: It’s October. It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Save the tatas and feel your boobies. And look at them, too. And your arm pits. Don’t forget the arm pits!